Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Discernment Counselor whose practice is devoted exclusively to working with couples, with specialized expertise in helping couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship.

I work extensively with “mixed-agenda” couples—when one partner is leaning out of the marriage or uncertain about continuing, while the other partner is leaning in and hoping to preserve or repair the relationship.

This is an important distinction. When partners do not share the same goal for the marriage, immediately beginning traditional Couples Therapy may not be the most appropriate first step. Discernment Counseling provides a structured, short-term process designed specifically for couples at this crossroads.

The goal is not to persuade either partner to stay married or to divorce. Instead, I help each partner develop greater clarity and confidence about the direction of the relationship, while gaining a deeper understanding of what has happened within the marriage and each person’s contribution to the relationship’s difficulties.

In-Person Discernment Counseling & Couples Work — Ridgefield, Connecticut

I offer Discernment Counseling, Healing/Therapeutic Separation, specialized Couples Therapy, and Couples Therapy Intensives in-person at my Ridgefield, Connecticut office.

For couples facing some of the most consequential decisions of their lives together, I believe there can be significant value in doing this work face-to-face.

When couples are deciding whether to remain married, navigating a separation, rebuilding after a significant relationship rupture, or considering divorce, meeting together in a private therapeutic setting provides dedicated time and space for conversations that can be difficult to have in the midst of everyday life.

Some of the most important relationship work you may ever do deserves your full attention. In-person sessions provide couples with an opportunity to step away from daily distractions and give their relationship—and the decisions in front of them—the focused attention they deserve.

I also offer extended Couples Therapy Intensives of 2–6 hours in person, allowing couples to devote concentrated time to important relationship work when a traditional therapy hour may not be sufficient.

Discernment Counseling: When One Partner Is Leaning In and One Is Leaning Out

Discernment Counseling is specifically designed for couples in which one partner is leaning toward preserving and repairing the marriage while the other is leaning toward leaving or is uncertain about whether they want to remain married.

Rather than asking an uncertain partner to commit prematurely to Couples Therapy—or asking the partner who wants the marriage to simply wait—Discernment Counseling provides a structured process for slowing down consequential decisions and gaining greater clarity about what direction makes sense.

Couples consider three possible paths:

• Path One: Maintain the status quo for now.

• Path Two: Move toward separation or divorce.

• Path Three: Make a six-month commitment to Couples Therapy, with divorce off the table during that period, and work seriously on identified areas of personal and relationship change.

Discernment Counseling is not Couples Therapy. It is a specialized process for couples who need greater clarity about whether they are prepared to undertake the work of rebuilding their marriage before determining what comes next.

“Before Divorce, Watch This: Discernment Therapist and Divorce Attorney Discuss Your Options” —Licensed Professional Counselor, Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez with Attorney, Robert Opotzner

When Separation Has Already Begun: Healing/Therapeutic Separation

Many couples who contact me for Discernment Counseling are already in some form of separation. They may be sleeping separately, living apart, or navigating an informal separation without clear expectations about what the separation means or where it is leading.

For appropriate couples, I also offer Healing/Therapeutic Separation, a structured process that helps couples create greater clarity and intentionality during a period of separation.

Rather than allowing separation to become an undefined holding pattern, the process can help couples establish mutually understood expectations and boundaries around communication, time together and apart, finances, family responsibilities, intimacy, and other areas specific to their circumstances.

A Healing Separation is not a promise of reconciliation, nor is it simply preparation for divorce. It creates structure around a difficult transition so couples have an opportunity to step out of destructive patterns, gain perspective, and make more thoughtful decisions about the future of their relationship.

Healing Separation interview with Licensed Professional Counselor, Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez and Attorney, Andrea Vacca

When the Decision Is Divorce: Non-Adversarial Divorce Support

For some couples, greater clarity ultimately means recognizing that the marriage will end.

When that decision has been made, I offer Non-Adversarial Divorce Support to help couples navigate the emotional and relational transition with greater stability, clearer communication, and less unnecessary conflict.

My role is distinct from that of an attorney, mediator, or financial professional. I do not provide legal or financial advice, mediate legal agreements, or advocate for either spouse.

Instead, as a neutral mental health professional, I help partners manage difficult conversations, reduce emotional reactivity, understand recurring relationship dynamics, and communicate more effectively as they move through the divorce process.

When appropriate, and with the necessary authorizations, I can collaborate with mediators, collaborative attorneys, CDFAs, and other professionals involved in a couple’s non-adversarial divorce process.

The objective is not to eliminate every disagreement. It is to help couples move through consequential decisions without allowing conflict to unnecessarily escalate or undermine their own well-being or that of their family.

Non-Adversarial Divorce Support is not Couples Therapy or Co-Parenting Counseling.

When Both Partners Choose to Work on the Marriage

When both partners decide they want to make a genuine effort to repair their relationship, I provide specialized Couples Therapy and extended Couples Therapy Intensives of 2–6 hours.

My approach is active, direct, strategic, and highly personalized. Rather than simply providing a place to talk, I help couples identify the relationship patterns keeping them stuck and develop concrete ways of communicating, repairing conflict, rebuilding trust, and strengthening emotional and sexual connection.

My additional areas of specialized couples work include:

• Affair & Betrayal Recovery
• AASECT Certified Sex Therapy
• Financial Couples Therapy
• Couples Therapy Intensives — 2–6 hours

These areas can be particularly relevant when couples are determining whether meaningful change in their marriage is possible.

My Specialized Training and Qualifications

• Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)**
• Certified Discernment Counselor — Dr. Bill Doherty
• AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST)
• Connecticut Council for Non-Adversarial Divorce — Mediation and Collaborative Divorce Courses
• Advanced Training — Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
• Advanced Training — Gottman Method Couples Therapy
• Financial Therapy Association Trainings
• Master’s in Counseling and a Master’s in Education

A Personal Note

My personal joy is that I have been married for 34 years and have two daughters, one that is 29 and one that is 20, and our little Chihuahua is at the center of our life.

Professional Collaboration & Referrals

I welcome referrals from mediators, collaborative attorneys, family law attorneys, CDFAs, therapists, and other professionals working with couples who are uncertain about the future of their marriage or who are pursuing a non-adversarial divorce.

My role is therapeutic and non-forensic. I do not provide custody evaluations, court-ordered treatment, legal opinions, or expert testimony.

I work with adults only and do not provide child, family, or Co-Parenting Counseling. When those services are needed, I am happy to provide appropriate referrals.

I do not provide court-mandated services or work with clients who have current legal actions against each other. If the legal actions are paused, we may be a good fit for each other.