NON-ADVERSARIAL DIVORCE

Changing the way people divorce or separate by reducing conflict and improving the lives of families

The Connecticut Council for Non-Adversarial Divorce (CCND) is the statewide non-profit professional organization of Connecticut mediators and collaborative divorce practitioners. Our members includes attorneys, mental health professionals and financial specialists. CCND’s mission is to promote peaceful and respectful divorce processes throughout Connecticut.

Many people believe that litigation, an adversarial process where parties oppose each other in court, is the only way to divorce. This isn’t true. In Connecticut, mediation and collaborative divorce are well-established and recognized by the judicial system as non-adversarial alternatives. These methods prioritize cooperation and the well-being of all family members, including children. They encourage the divorcing parties to work honestly, openly, and in good faith towards a fair settlement. While litigation may be necessary in some cases, the Connecticut Council for Non-Adversarial Divorce (CCND) aims to educate the public about these less confrontational options, helping couples make informed decisions about their divorce process.

The information on this website is CCND-approved, but it is advised that anyone considering divorce consult with a divorce professional to secure a complete and clear understanding of all available options. You may wish to use CCND’s professional directory for this purpose.

DIVORCE MEDIATION

The divorce mediation process begins when both spouses agree that mediation is the best way to reach a divorce agreement. They hire a mediator, who acts as a neutral (or unbiased) third party to facilitate discussions. The mediator guides the conversations, helping the couple explore options and work towards a settlement that meets everyone’s needs. Mediators can be attorneys with experience in divorce cases or trained non-attorney professionals skilled in facilitating the mediation process.

In mediation, the focus is on maintaining open communication between spouses to make joint decisions that lead to a divorce settlement. The mediator does not make decisions for the couple but helps them communicate and negotiate. Often, additional professionals, such as family therapists and financial experts, are brought in to provide specialized knowledge and support the process.

Throughout the process, the spouses are encouraged to speak to independent review counsel. If the spouses worked with a non-attorney mediator, they need to jointly retain an attorney, known as a drafting attorney, to prepare the agreement and court documents needed. The agreement is then submitted to the court for final approval.

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE

Collaborative Divorce is a non-adversarial process where each spouse retains a specially-trained collaborative divorce attorney. The process involves a team that includes a neutral financial professional and a neutral mental health professional, ensuring comprehensive support for the family’s restructuring. The neutrals provide unbiased support to both participants. All professionals sign a participation agreement, pledging not to seek court assistance until a final agreement is reached. Through a series of meetings, the team works together with the spouses to come to final resolution on all issues related to the family. Once an agreement is reached, the attorneys prepare the relevant legal documents and submit them to the court for final approval.

DIFFERENCES

The difference between collaboration and mediation:
Throughout the collaborative process, each spouse engages their own attorney, whereas in mediation, only one attorney (or one non-attorney mediator) is engaged by both parties, together.

The difference between non-adversarial and adversarial divorce processes:
An adversarial process always requires each party to retain their own attorney and negotiations take place between attorneys or in court, where multiple hearings are usually necessary. Evidence presented during these hearings are a matter of public record.

Except for final approval of the divorce settlement, non-adversarial processes do not require court appearances, and they are completely confidential; there is no public record of conversations or negotiations.

Frequently Asked Questions

I want a peaceful divorce. Now what do I do?

You’ll want to tell your spouse, of course, but it may be helpful to first gain an understanding of the non-adversarial processes so that when you refer to a peaceful divorce you can share something of what you’ve learned. A CCND professional can always clarify the processes and options.

If communication problems interfere with talking candidly, then you can consider using a mental health professional to help; many are listed on CCND’s professional directory. Bear in mind that your spouse may need time to understand and accept your decision before being ready to take in much information or embark on a divorce process. Allowing that time lays a good foundation for mediation or collaboration.

In non-adversarial divorce processes, service is typically waived, which means neither party will be served court papers.

How are the best interests of children protected during a non-adversarial process?

Mediation and collaborative professionals are trained in helping divorcing couples recognize and create parenting plans that serve the best interests of the children. Quite often, family- or child therapists (in their role as coparenting counselors or neutral mental health professionals) are brought into the process so that children’s needs are thoroughly explored and well-represented. These experts help parents with healthy communication and developing and implementing parenting plans that can be put into place peacefully and effectively.

Can we mediate or collaborate if we fight all the time?

Divorcing couples rarely get along, but that does not mean litigation is your only (or best) option. You can end your marriage without litigation if you have the same goal in mind: divorcing while minimizing the emotional and financial impact on your family and staying out of the courtroom. CCND professionals are trained to help you focus on resolving the issues and not get sidetracked by the past.

How do we know whether mediation or collaborative is a better process for us?

There is no simple answer to this question, but your CCND professional can help you evaluate your options and choose the process that fits your family best.

Best time to start…

The best time to meet with a mediator or collaborative professional is before you separate. Your mediator or collaborative team can help you create interim plans that work for your family and budget, and address the difficulties of transitioning out of your marriage. Even if you have already separated or begun the litigation process you can still choose to pursue a non-adversarial path to divorce.

My spouse has a very strong personality. How can I be sure my interests are taken into account?

CCND mediators and collaborators are trained to keep the conversation balanced and allow each person to have a voice. We do this by giving each person uninterrupted time to speak, helping people work through strong emotions, and creating space in the conversation that allows for creative and thoughtful problem-solving. No case is too complicated for mediation or collaboration.

Why do I need to hire more than one professional?

Hiring more than one professional in the divorce process brings diverse expertise to address different aspects of your situation effectively. Utilizing a team with the right combination of skills can be more efficient and cost-effective than traditional litigation. For example, for families with young children, a coparenting counselor helps develop age-appropriate parenting plans. If there are closely held business interests, a financial professional is indispensable for creating a responsible financial plan. This team approach ensures all facets of the family’s restructuring are supported, leading to better outcomes for everyone involved.

Do we still have to go to court?

Your final agreement, after being reviewed by an attorney, must then be reviewed and approved by a judge. Connecticut, in most instances, no longer requires in person hearings for finalizing divorce proceedings.

Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are fair and legally enforceable

If you are divorcing or separating, we are a multi-faceted resource for you to learn about your options. By making the right choice in the beginning, and choosing to mediate or participate in a collaborative divorce rather than litigate the end of your marriage, we can help prevent a bitter, endless or expensive struggle; create a respectful process for you and your children; and work out a fair, legally enforceable settlement.

We offer a free searchable database for finding a mediator, collaborative divorce practitioner or other divorce professional. This list includes individuals from the legal, mental health and financial professions.

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Comparison of Divorce Options in CT

Question	Mediation	Collaboration	Litigation
WHO CONTROLS THE PROCESS?	You and your spouse control the process and make final decisions.	You and your spouse control the process and make final decisions.	Attorneys control process and a judge makes final decisions if you cannot agree.
PRIVACY	The mediation process and negotiations are conducted privately.	The collaborative process and negotiations are conducted privately.	Litigated disputes are conducted in an open court.
DEGREE OF ADVERSITY	You and your spouse pledge mutual respect and openness.	You and your spouse pledge mutual respect and openness	The court process assumes that you cannot communicate without fighting.
INVOLVEMENT OF LAWYERS	Mediators do not represent you and do not appear in court. CCND recommends that you hire outside attorneys as review counsel.	You and your spouse each retain lawyers who assist in developing an agreement. Your lawyer looks after your interests while working with your spouse’s lawyer.	Lawyers fight to win, which comes at a financial and emotional cost for everyone.
USE OF OUTSIDE EXPERTS	Jointly retained specialists provide information and guidance, helping you and your spouse develop informed, mutually beneficial, solutions.	Jointly retained specialists provide information and guidance helping you and your spouse develop informed, mutually beneficial solutions.	Competing experts are hired to support the litigants’ positions, often at great expense.
FACILITATION OF COMMUNICATION	Skilled mediators effectively facilitate communication between you and your spouse.	Your team of collaborative specialists educate and assist you and your spouse on how to effectively communicate with each other. Divorce coaches specialize in facilitating communication.	You and your spouse negotiate through your lawyers, often impairing communication with your spouse
TIMETABLE	You and your spouse create your timetable.	You and your spouse create your timetable.	You are subjected to the timetable of the court. Delays are common, both in court and between appearances.
COST	Usually the least expensive model, because you are utilizing a single professional.	Costs are manageable, usually less expensive than litigation; the team model is cost-effective in its use of financial and mental health professionals.	Costs are unpredictable and can escalate rapidly, including frequent returns to court during and after your divorce.
CHOOSING YOUR APPROACH	Both spouses agree to participate in a respectful and positive process.	Both spouses agree to participate in a respectful and positive process.	The legal process begins with a Marshal serving papers, and can often involve repeated court dates and Orders.